How Criticism Helps You Grow Stronger and Undeterred?

Stay Undeterred and Get Stronger While Facing Criticism

Mihika was very sad and upset over the continuous criticism and negative feedback of her bosses as well as clients; she wasn’t able to figure out where things were going wrong and how to win the trust of the people around her. She was helpless and couldn't  gain popularity at her work place despite her strong work commitment and efficiency. She was putting in her hard efforts and dedication in whatever was assigned to her yet felt incompetent and humiliated whenever her colleagues or managers would find faults in her work. She was perturbed about her future and felt as if this situation was a career cul-de-sac. She was in a dilemma- was there an urgent need to cope up with the criticism in her professional life or to accept the ‘Quit Moment’?

We all face criticism in life, by friends, family, society or seniors and colleagues. It can be a performance review, employee feedback or a piece of advice (actually an implicit remark) by the elders or the extended family. Now the question that arises here is: do you feel killed by it or you give yourself  an extra chance to do a little better, next time?

To assess our own attitude towards criticism let’s do a small activity. Let's take a moment to think about the last time when you received a compliment and the last time when you received a negative comment. You must have felt very happy after receiving the compliment but how did you feel after receiving the criticism; certainly you were distressed about it and wanted to reject it. In a bid to avoid accepting ourselves as failures we don't want to listen to the critics' opinion and hence, give birth to an approach of being an escapist and mediocre for the rest of our life.

The great Indian mystic poet of 15th century, Kabir Das says, we must always have a fierce critic in the vicinity as his constant criticism will purify our mind and soul and  fortify our intellect with his habit of finding faults in our actions. Indeed, constructive criticism forces us to evaluate our endeavors, honesty and guides us to boost productivity in life. Would you like to gain more insight on how criticism helps you grow stronger and undeterred? Let's read a little more to clarify this point-

 

Accepting Criticism Makes You More Coachable:

Being coachable means having the ability to learn and evolve with the instructions and guidance of our mentors, peers and sometimes our well wishers also. Staying rigid on one’s views and opinions about a situation or performance makes one intransigent and hinders one’s personal and professional growth. If you develop acceptance for a constructive criticism, you will certainly start improving upon your weaknesses, grow stronger and hone your skills. In a nut shell if you pay attention on expert’s criticism; embrace it with a positive attitude and have a realistic view on your capabilities and flaws you will certainly gain new skills faster and nurture the ability of introspection and retrospection, eventually becoming a better version of yourself. So learn to stay undeterred while facing criticism. Those who take criticism positively, always ask clarifying questions when confronted with conflicting or uncomfortable situations. They are always ready to give a try to new ideas and opinions.

Criticism Encourages Continuum:

Nelson Mandela spent 27 years of his life in imprisonment and faced a lot of criticism and injustice in his life, yet he remained unstoppable and continued his fight against racism and inequality. If taken as challenge; criticism boosts the continuum and never allows you to sit idle and be complacent after an achievement. It keeps you thriving on the challenges with a constant pursuit of perfection. It instills more Grit and Determination in your character because every time when you accomplish a task and face criticism; you become more determined to do things with stronger efforts and more energy.

Being Defensive on Advice Shows Cowardice:

Do you become defensive when someone gives you advice on maintaining a healthy life style, improving dietary and hygiene habits or to keep calm at workplace? Just think about your responses: do you give excuses on such advices? If yes, then certainly there’s a problem. When we respond with endless excuses to criticism; we actually deny seeing the opportunities that lie on our way to help us grow as a person; as an individual and thus we tend to avoid the person who gives us a valuable suggestion. Every time when you receive a suggestion to improve upon something, do you wheel out the same excuses and statistics? This practice shows cowardice and prompts us to react negatively to feedback instead of addressing the issues which really demand improvement. Dwelling on criticism also reduces the number of well wishers and friends in our life so learn to take criticism constructively and believe in “you could do better”.

Taking things in the right way, by the right people can do wonders in one’s life. Taking criticism on a positive note helps you look at things in an objective light that means you are paying attention on your work, life style, habits, behavior and professional attitude. Criticism is actually a gift in disguise, accept it wholeheartedly and invigorate your efforts to achieve the best.

At the same time it’s imperative to understand the source of that criticism also. It can be considered nebulous when done by an arrogant or self-obsessed person, so be clever enough to understand if you are targeted by the gauche people in the vicinity, observe if your critics look askance at your accomplishments or if somebody is trying to demean you for no reason. But even if you are trapped in such situation; I would say you are blessed, don’t take me wrong- what I mean to say that malicious criticism is also equally important in life; it teaches you how to stay undeterred, maintain equipoise and be at peace amidst this chaos of criticism and negativity and that’s the most important life skill in today’s scenario; keep yourself happy no matter how adverse the situations are! It will train you to distance yourself from NEGATIVITY and limit the influence of naysayers and haters in your proximity. If you stop engaging with such people; you will be able to devote your time and energy to maintain your happiness quotient.  

And staying happy is the sole aim of life!

Tenacity : A Life-Changing Hunger To Achieve The Impossible

 Tenacity Can Write Your Destiny

Chhutni Mahato, a fighter, an inspiration and a crusader who changed not just her life but of many women in her state, let’s read a story of tenacity; from a victim of witch hunt to Padma Shri Awardee, Chhutni Devi, her life, struggles and her emergence as a fearless, feisty leader against a grisly social evil.

Tenacity Turns a Victim of Witch Hunt to Padma Shri Awardee

A battle against a gruesome social evil that gave birth to a warrior with the name of Chhutni Mahato, who herself was once branded as witch, wasn’t an easy road for a woman of Saraikela, Jharkhand where Witch-Hunt was a common practice to torture women and snatch their property. She was a girl of 13 when she got married in the year 1978, education was a dream for the girls of her time in her village and child marriage was the only way to settle a girl child. An unfortunate day in March 1995 changed her entire life when a little girl in her neighborhood fell sick and she was accused of practicing witchcraft and black magic. Her neighbors attempted a sexual assault on her and forced her to drink urine. She fought to prove her innocence and even tried to seek help of the local police but was demanded Rs.10000, for lodging a case against the perpetrators. After having seized an opportunity, she fled from the village with her four children and was back to her native place but here also the situation was equally beleaguered; witch hunt was prevailing in her native village also. She finally resolved to stand against this odious social evil and became the trailblazer in abolishing Witch-hunt. This practice of cruelty and ostracizing women is rampant in the state. According to the National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB) 575 women were lynched after they had been branded as witches during the years from 2001 to 2019.

Her arduous journey had no end till she met Nidhi Khare who guided her to seek help from an NGO which was fighting against this social evil, witch-hunting in Jharkhand. With the help of Deputy Commissioner, Amit Khare she set up an anti-witch-hunting consultation centre and since then there was no looking back for Chhutni Mahato. She has rescued 125 women in past two decades and relentlessly working for the rights of women in her region. Her tenacity and unflinching trust in her efforts finally paid her and served the society at large.

“As my sufferings mounted, I soon realized that there were two ways in which I could respond to my situation- either to react with bitterness or seek to transform the suffering into a creative force. I decided to follow the latter course.”

-         Martin Luther King Jr.

These words of Martin Luther explains nicely how one can transform the sufferings and adversities in life by converting them into guiding forces and that is only possible when you cultivate tenacity in your personality. Tenacity is one of the most important human attributes that invigorates your spirit to never give up despite strenuous challenges and hardships. It arouses your hunger to persist and persevere till you achieve the impossible.

Tenacity instills Adaptability

Adaptability is an essential element when you start doing something which is out of your Comfort Zone; one has to weather hundreds of unexpected hurdles to persist on the aspirations. If you can accommodate with the unpredictable, you can cultivate tenacity. One must be adaptable to become more tenacious because you cannot control the circumstances; you can only channelize your strength and efforts to pave your way of success under the undesirable circumstances also. Your adaptability helps you allay your fear and anxiety because you are no more scared of the unfamiliar situations and know how to handle them deftly.

Tenacity Unfolds Your Potential

Tenacity helps you sow Determination and positivity in the soil of your efforts and your dreams; you stay focused, wait patiently for the desired outcome, remain firm on your choices and finally reap a splendid harvest. It makes you believe in your strengths and skills and unleash your potential. In your pursuit of excellence, tenacity makes you resist the temptations and refrain you from being judgmental. It gives you a clear vision of what you aim to and how to prepare yourself for it by breaking all the barriers that hold you back.  

Tenacity: A Byproduct of Self-discipline

Tenacity demands a great amount of self-discipline, if an athlete doesn’t train himself, he can’t expect victory for his performance. If you don’t devote long hours of practice and a patient repetition in your efforts to master a skill, how you will hope to fulfill your dreams. Achievers never wander willy-nilly, but plan and practice with self-discipline which impels them to unearth their hidden talents and enjoy the accomplishments.

 

The secrets of success are ever-elusive, and there is no doubt that success, at both personal and professional levels, is an unrelenting process; one can never say at some or the other point in life that he has attained success. It’s not a matter of talent, skills, creativity or destiny; your success is all about your tenacity and perseverance, it’s the answer of the question that is  frequently asked to you by your SELF- how honestly and strongly you have strived for it? The tenacious people always answer overwhelmingly- I persevered till I achieved it. So catapult your career and personal growth by practicing tenacity and perseverance in your attitude. Next time when you make a foray into a new activity, skill or task, be tenacious, you will certainly come out as a winner. The story of Chhutni Mahato proves that at the core of every great change, there is always a great human and this great human can be any; it can be you, it can be me. If you have ideas, if you have passion for making a difference, if you have tenacity, you can climb any mountain of marvels.

Failures are Opportunities to Reflect, Revamp and Recharge Your Life

The Line Between Winning and Losing is Your Way of Acceptance

Rohan was the most eligible Branch Manager for the next promotion of Regional Head, his fingers were crossed for months to receive the news from the HO and he was very excited about it. But what was in store for him? Not only did Rohan not get promoted for the post, but also one of his peers was about to take charge of the higher post. He felt sorry for himself and couldn’t overcome this loss for months.

Do you take such incidents as loss or failure in your life? Or you find them as opportunities when confronted with such experiences? Let’s read about one such life which was full of failures and obstacles yet the most celebrated one that won many hearts.

Walt Disney who founded world’s largest entertainment conglomerates is widely known as the most popular flag bearer in the world of cartoon characters and animation. His influence on film making and entertainment will be remembered forever. But only a few know that behind his huge success, there was a series of losses and failures. And what had changed his life; was the attitude of accepting failures as an opportunity to reflect, revamp and recharge the course of action.

Walt Disney took his first job as a newspaper cartoonist but was fired soon as they didn’t find him creative at his work. Disappointed Disney started a series of animated cartoon with the name, Laugh-O-grams but couldn’t make enough for a living. He would visit many producers with his videos but returned dejected, disappointed. All his successful projects met dejection in the beginning but he never thought of accepting his ideas as failures. He did not quit.  After the growing popularity of his creation, Micky Mouse, he began to work on other animal characters with speech, skills and human traits. He even tunneled through phases of criticism, despair and discouragement yet he knew what he was planning to achieve and emerged as a glorious winner proving his ideas as pathbreaking experimentation in the American animation world. The exponential increase in the popularity of The Disney studio gave him much enthusiasm to dream a big amusement park near Los Angeles. His project was considered as impossible and he could collect the finance for his dream project only after 302 investors turned down the proposal of the Disneyland. Finally, when Disneyland was opened for public in the year 1955, much of his imagination, creativity and fantasy were reflected in its design and construction. It became a favorite tourist destination and a place that thrilled the fantasies of not just children but adults as well.

Sharing the Long Term Benefits of handling failures and setbacks in life, Disney said, “All the adversity I’ve had in my life, all the troubles and obstacles, have strengthened me. You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.”

What is Your Interpretation of Failure

A strong attitude of responding to mistakes and failures helps everyone bounce back and consider losses as lessons and failures as opportunities to show fortitude. Every attempt, strategy or plan of action takes birth with its inevitable share of hiccups; we can’t change it, we do fail. But failure is not as important and striking as our interpretation of it. How you respond to your loss defines your choices in life and you are not a loser till the moment, you accept it as a loss, so it’s very important to learn how to react to the failures and loss in life because when you accept yourself as a failure and give up on it, you become a loser. You must understand that the genuine appreciation of your worthiness and quality depends on your acceptance of an event as your success or failure. It’s you who decide, whether you have won or lost so keeping your morale high even in the direst situations is your capability of becoming a victor. So start thinking comprehensively, not impulsively when you confront failures in life, the line between winning and losing is only your way of acceptance.

 

Reflect, Revamp and Recharge Your Plan of Action

Failures demand a deep reflection and enable you nurture tenacity so take them as regular term examinations in your life. They give an opportunity to pause and ponder, reflect, review and repair what’s broken. And this entire process can be possible when you balance yourself and equalize the low and tide of your emotions. As we all agree to this point that failures have a tendency to imprison our minds and it feels impossible to come out of its clutches for long but would you like to choose to wallow in self-pity and keep nursing your wounds for the rest of your life? Or you will rise up against all these adversities and gift yourself a fulfilled life. When failures trigger fear, insecurities and cynicism plan your fight back strategy and muster your courage to replace the gloom and doom. Reflect on your Efforts, find the flaws and revamp your strategy.

 

Focus on Solutions with Optimism

Your optimistic approach determines how quickly and smartly you learn the lessons from the failures and pave your path for growth and success. Think of the solutions and don’t crib about the obstacles; they will keep bothering you, and they should never demand your attention. A fair assessment of your attempt will shift your focus to visualizing a fortified plan to attain success and accomplishments. You are capable of doing everything you strive for just learn and practice to tap into your inner reservoir of infinite strength.  

“Every endeavor pursued with passion produces a successful outcome, regardless of the result. For it’s not always about winning or losing but to assess the quality of the efforts and the attitude you develop after producing the outcome.

Invest in Relationships to Earn Long Term Benefits in Life

 

Spend Time and Invest Love in Your Relationships

Humans are inherently social and Love to be surrounded by people; they are addicted to cry on others’ shoulders, rejoice with a crowd while boasting about their achievements and can’t think of celebrations without a mob of their near and dear ones. Yet, today we are standing alone at the crossroads of ceaseless ambitions, work and family life stress and a monotonous pursuit of attainment of the lofty goals of life, and an inner conflict of justifying our own choices of falling in this quagmire which we define as life. Can we really call it a life? How life can exist without the warmth and exuberance of the loving and selfless relationships that we choose to compromise when materialistic goals take precedence over everything. What we will do with the infinite achievements when we have none to share our happiness with.

The Pyrrhic victory of the Pandavas, in the battlefield of Kurukshetra is quintessential of the ultimate truth of human survival when all their kith and kin were wiped out in the name of honor and integrity. The Pandavas lamented after the war was over though they were victors but the cost that they had paid for this victory made them disenchant themselves.

When the pandemic disrupted everything in everyone’s life, the importance of relationships emerged as the only savior to help us and find our way out of this labyrinth. Many must be still living with the compunction that they had harbored resentment and grudges with their relatives and never bothered to revive those relationships. In reality, life is too short to wait for others to extend their hands to reconcile; go and grab your people for yourself. Make it a goal to invest in relationships to earn long-term benefits in life.

Life’s all memories narrate the moments of loving others and being loved by others and our most trusted relationships provide us an impalpable verve and stability in our thought process.  Family and relations are the most formidable forces in your life that guard you against all adversities and obstacles so invest in them, don’t be hasty and precipitous to keep those ‘once lively and loving relations’ in abeyance.

Ego Should Never Rule Any Relationship

Humility is an essential virtue and must exist in everyone to establish peace and harmony in all relationships; humility lays the foundation of the camaraderie among the groups of varied opinions and different perspectives. Each one of us is possessed by an undefined EGO, (for what? Nobody knows) and when ego overpowers our mind, it starts obliterating even the most treasured relations of our Life. Be careful if your love and attention for your loved ones is ego-driven, you will end up with bitterness and sorrow in that relationship.

The words of William James say, “Whenever you’re in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. The factor is the attitude.”

Practice humility in your attitude; overcome your ego and control it so that it can’t build walls and obstruct your near and dear one to come closer to you.

Interesting Read: Explore-True-Happiness

Healthy Relations Break the Monotony of Life

In this fast pace world, our mind is inundated with Endless expectations and dreams while the list of our near ones is being gradually whittled down because we prioritize to strive relentlessly to fulfill our desires without bothering to the stagnation which creeps into us. Eventually, the majority of us are at an intellectual cul-de-sac and the whole pursuit of success boomerang back on us. This bleak, barren lifestyle clutches our emotional well-being and alleviates the miseries of life. On the contrary, the healthy relationships in your life boost your happiness level and you feel delighted to rejoice your happy hours with them. A slight shift in your outlook about the relations in life can help you relish your leisure time with them. Despite the fact that relatives always remain at loggerheads, you are sure, when you need them; they will come rushing to hug you. All your gains are futile if you don’t earn the wealth of good relations and don’t preserve them. Learn to Forgive Your Loved Ones, offer your support and help if you want to nurture the bonds with them.

 

Reflect On Your Relationships

Cultivate generosity in your behavior, it is rightly quoted; “To an artist there’s nothing ugly in Nature and to a generous heart there’s none in the world to feel rancor towards.” When you are generous to your people, you respect their privacy and priorities which is an essential catalyst to sustain the dignity of any relation. In relationships, most of the time, the expectations are on higher side; you want others cater to you, pamper you and fulfill your emotional demands. But you fail to consider the other person’s expectations from you and here you successfully sign up for a life of conflicts and loneliness. Let’s not expect any relationship to continue on the basis of our whims and fancies, rather reflect upon them and have larger hearts to handle the tiffs.

 

OUR MENTAL, EMOTIONAL AND PERSONAL WELL BEING entirely depends upon the quality, transparency and warmth of our relationships. If we are well-knit with our loved ones we feel safe, secure and happy because we know that our lives are filled with the desired time and attention we demand from our near and dear ones. The most priceless emotions and experiences are those which are shared and cherished with the people we love. And these people can be enlisted as family, relatives, neighbors and colleagues; the wider groups can comprise those people also whom you share your hobbies with, like gym, sports or religious activities. Invest in your relationships so that you feel more secured and loved and I am sure you will cultivate a sense of awe and gratitude if your inner self is experiencing the joi de vivre because you have the most amazing people in your life. Treasure them, love them, adore them and invest in them you will surely reap long-term benefits and the biggest one is the bliss of enjoying the holistic health of mind, body and soul.

Giving Your Children Liberty to Learn Makes them Competent

Anshul and Nishtha are extremely doting and hands-on PARENTS. They leave no stone unturned to give a good upbringing to their 9-year-old son, Prayaan. They are perfect at managing their office schedules, taking breaks to spend productive time with him and encouraging him round the clock to do various activities and help him complete all his tasks. Despite a very well balanced and perfect parenting, they observe that Prayaan hesitates with relatives, neighbours and the less frequent visitors. He keeps maximum distance with new acquaintances and never feels comfortable when strangers are around. After weeks’ discussion, the parents found the reason in their own behaviour when Prayaan was a toddler, they never allowed him to walk freely in a garden, never used a public transport with him and never let him do his school activities and projects alone. They never wanted him to do things in his own way just to facilitate him and avoid mistakes. Over-possessive attitude of the parents and over assistance in his hobbies and interests made him dependent and introvert; the results are quite obvious, now he doesn’t want to mingle with new people and never feels confident in doing things alone. For every miniscule thing he looks forward for his parents support.

Give Your Children Liberty to learn and Build them Stronger than ever

When children are not given the liberty to learn, doing things alone, making mistakes and facing challenges they don’t grow as resilient YOUTH and avoid taking risks in life. The more freedom they get at doing things and completing tasks, the more robust they become in making decisions and neutralizing threats. So try to give them opportunities to struggle and learn on their own, it will give them an impetus to unveil their strengths and capabilities. 

The major factor responsible for why parents don’t allow their children to make mistakes and confront challenges and failures is the family system of today’s era. Let’s read how it affects:

The Growing Prevalence of Nuclear Families

The traditional Indian joint family system which is based on the principles of collectivism, promotes social cohesion and interdependence among the members of the family and the little ones imbibe the strongest values at a very early age. However, with the growing culture of nuclear families, children’s social and emotional growth has faced a setback and the over-alert and agile parents of today have added fuel to fire. The child is the only centre of attraction in a nuclear family so the parents want to facilitate him/her more than what is required. As we know a child’s incipient personality is greatly influenced by what he observes at home in his formative years so when a child grows up doing most of the tasks with the assistance of others, he never develops a streak to plunge into newer realms and grows with myopic attitude. So as a parent and guardians, we must give a required level of liberty to our children to make them more competent.

 

Have Strong Faith in Children’s Efforts

Parents are the primary agents for shaping up their children’s personality and their open behaviour can make children strong, stable, resilient and practical if they respect their individuality, freedom of choice, privacy and personal space. Mostly, people think that children should be given liberty to learn alone at a certain age so that they don’t make mistakes. But they fail to understand that mistakes are the best teachers and, by expressing such ideology they reveal that they lack faith and trust in their children’s EFFORTS, and this practice leaves a lasting impression in child’s memory and proves a major deterrent in cultivating self-belief and self-confidence. Talk freely and positively about their mistakes so they consider mistakes as a part of learning process.

The famous Hollywood actress, humanitarian and tabloid star, Angelina Jolie speaks about her mother, who died from ovarian cancer at the age of 56, as an “extraordinary woman”. She describes about her mother that she was an ardent art lover and always supported her for whatever she wanted to choose for herself. She let her children explore the nuances of an actor’s life and how to express themselves in difficult situations. Angelina further adds, she would sit in the car for hours till her auditions continued and rejoice with her like a bird on her selection. The most amazing part of her parenting was she would embrace difference of personalities and was open to all experiences. She never tried to make her daughter a mould of her rather raised her with art and creativity and both were very different from each other as two women. Giving children liberty to learn things and explore life and people on their own offers new horizons to their imagination and creativity. 

 

Let Children Experience all Kinds of Emotions

Giving emotional liberty to a child is very important yet we never want our children to get angry, scared, feel threatened or disappointed. It’s absolutely normal if a child is scared of a spider or a lizard but we do our best to avoid our child’s confrontations with these emotions and here we make a mistake of providing him/her an over protective environment and obstruct his way of growing as a fearless person. Struggling and working on a challenge during a child’s growth years is always good for brain’s neurological growth. On the contrary, the children in an over protective environment avoid challenges and shy away from taking risks if they find any possibility of failure in their attempt. This impacts a child’s holistic development and he starts having inhibitions. We should never forget that struggles are helpful experiences and always vital for facilitating learning and growth.

Also Read: Never-to-Advise-Adolescents

Parents’ mindset and their approach regarding an open and flexible way of nurturing the young minds determine whether the children’s development is fixed or malleable. They should also focus on the importance of efforts and mistakes in the process of learning. If parents give their children liberty to learn and explore, children will grow as confident and innovative youth and this attitude of parents will definitely have sizeable effects on their skills and learning. You are always a role model for your child so just think As a Parent Do You Preach or Perform? Learn to be responsive and consistent in all your interactions and activities with your kids, encourage them to pay and buy smaller things from themselves in your presence. Let them make their choice even if you feel they may fail; if they succeed they will rejoice, if they fail they will learn from their mistakes and you will learn more. Trust me, your child always teaches you to be a better parent, you just need to understand and identify their responses and build an empathetic coordination with your kids, rest you are doing perfectly fine!

Self-Confidence Is The Key To Reaping More Rewards In Life

Win and live all your dreams by taking your self confidence a notch higher

When Thomas Alva Edison was ready with his invention of light bulb, he called his office boy to test that bulb. His entire team of assistants was very happy because it took Thomas 1000 attempts to invent the bulb. As the office boy was feeling nervous in front of the scientist and the team, he couldn’t hold the bulb tightly and unfortunately he dropped the bulb. The poor office boy wasn’t unaware of his fate; he knew he would be fired but nothing happened for the next two days.

After two days Edison again called the office boy and all his assistants were astounded to see that he handed him over another light bulb and asked to test it. None could believe their eyes and asked Edison, why he called the office boy and what if he dropped the bulb again? Edison calmly replied, “It took me just one day to make the bulb again but if I don’t give him the same task again, the boy will never be able to regain his self-belief and self-confidence. And I will never let that happen."

The idea behind this act is very deep and important; most of us give up on those things we feel we are not good at  and never try to boost our confidence to make even a single effort to achieve that unattainable. Self –confidence is the key to conquer all our dreams and teaches us that mistakes or failures must never dampen the spirit to do miracles in life and to live life at its fullest. We all believe that self-confidence is the key to reaping more rewards in life yet very often we don’t do something we yearn for, just because once mistaken, and lose our self-confidence forever, whether it is driving, swimming, playing a sport, participating in a competition or public speaking; we step back if we fail at first attempt and don't work on that skill. Let's never forget that there’s nothing in this world, one can’t achieve if he/she honestly strives for it as it is rightly said by the Brazilian writer, Paulo Coelho in his book, The Alchemist, “When you want something so desperately; all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” So never lose your self-confidence and practice the small tricks to bring a positive and productive change in your personality.

Interesting Read: Challenge-Your-Comfort-Zone

Feel Great About Your Flaws and Imperfections

Don’t observe the things at their face value; it brings ignorance towards what your destiny has stored for you. Your capabilities are always much more than your limitations and these limitations add a great potential to your personality when you convert them into your strengths. Once, Bruce Lee, the martial art expert was asked about his inspiration and mantra of success, he replied, “I don’t have a perfect body. My right leg is roughly an inch shorter than my left that is why I put my right leg forward in my stance. I am short-sighted so I specialize in close encounters and in this way, I have turned all my imperfections into my strengths.” So boost your self-confidence by feeling great about your flaws and imperfections. Convert your weakness into an advantage and avail all the Opportunities that fall on your way to enhance your self confidence; as self-confidence is the key to reaping more rewards in life.

Learn From Your Failures and Never Give up

In today’s scenario, when everyone loves to talk only about success, achievements and material gains, the basic rule of life has become, “Either prove or perish”, and it seems as if failure is never dignified. Nobody wants to discuss about failure, which in a larger context, lays the foundation of victory. If you wish to become a self-confident person, take lessons from your failures and accept them with courage, verve and grace. Failures are never Failures; they are the attempts that you have made in pursuit of success. This attitude will build your self confidence and personal excellence will greet you every moment, at every step, at each of your endeavor.

Focus on Smaller Goals to Enhance Your Self-Confidence

There are three types of goals in everyone’s life; short-term, long-term and medium-term, most of us invest our maximum time in thinking, planning and putting in our persistent efforts to achieve the long-term goals. But the most important ones are the short-term goals which always drive you towards the bigger goals and eventually make them easier for you. A sense of achievement always fills you with immense confidence without measuring the size of the goal so if you achieve something regularly you feel more confident about yourself and your capabilities which is possible when you decide smaller goals for yourself. So continue to work on your short-term goals as the habit of Goal Setting takes your self-confidence a notch higher.

Self-Control is a Booster Dose for Stronger Self-Confidence

Emotions play a pivotal role in building a personality and it’s very important to nurture the ability of self-control as with the help of this guiding force we can tap into to have a more fulfilled life. When we are driven by our emotions, we get distracted from our purpose and forget to control impulses, fight temptations and exercise willpower. A greater level of self-control makes us decisive, resilient and inhibits the pull of temptations which functions as a cornerstone of emotional intelligence and trains our mind to rely on its strengths and enhances our self-confidence. Avoid rumination on past events, think about your present and plan your future, it will stop you losing your confidence on the things that are not under you’re your control.

Self-confidence is just like magic; it helps you navigate your life the way you want and instills trust in your abilities and judgment. Self-confidence is not only looking and appreciating your strengths but recognizing your flaws also and how to conquer them. Take your self-confidence a notch higher so that you can get ready to embrace your full potential.

Always remember, “With a greater self-confidence, you become a winner even before you start on it.”

Challenge Your Comfort Zone, Don’t Get Confined to it

 Do you confine to your comfort zone?  

“If you never take a risk, you will never know what changes you need to make.”

-Paulo Coelho

Changes always come with challenges and change is the only constant in life till the time you fall in the trap of your comfort zone which is so placid and alluring that one prefers to stagnate over growing and exploring new horizons. Have you ever felt resistance in switching jobs, relocating different cities, taking up new hobbies, upskilling yourself or learning new activities? If yes, nothing to worry about it, human mind always resists change. It is we who have to decide whether we should continue and stagnate or gear up and glow with the change. Mostly, it has been observed that we deny the opportunities and future prospects because we don’t want to face anything unfamiliar and challenging. We all know that there will be no rewards without risks yet we don’t muster courage to cross the threshold and breathe in open air. Let’s try a small activity of self-communion- Ask yourself a question, before making a new choice in your personal or professional life: What’s the best and what’s the worst that can happen if I go ahead? The answer of this question in both the cases will help you address your sense of fear and discomfort and help you build equanimity if you choose to dismantle the layers of your comfort zone.

Let’s read about a few practices that can help you challenge your comfort zone and how not to get confined to it:

Find Out the Reasons of Fear

We don’t want to step out of our comfort zone as we fear new and unknown. We love being cooped up in the same environment for years just for the sake of feeling safe and comfortable. We don’t want to break the boundaries of inhibitions, stagnation and monotony despite knowing that this type of attitude can take a toll on our professional opportunities and personal growth. Whenever you want to make a choice for yourself; your subconscious mind repels to venture beyond the comfort zone, so training your mind is very important here. No one wants to choose challenging or risky options; we think what most of the people are doing and we also start following them in a bid to play safe, sail safe. Here I would like to quote Robert Frost’s lines:

“I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence;

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I-

I took the one less travelled by,

And that has made all the difference.”

 

-The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

 

These lines clearly indicate how difficult it is to make choices in life, but when you make a good and distinctive choice for yourself, you always stand out as one among the crowd. So learn to make choices by finding out your fears and conquer them all with Your Grit and Determination.

 

Keep Telling Yourself, “I am Fearless”

Communication with your body, mind and soul is very important as this works as a tool to align your thoughts and actions in a positive manner. Speaking to yourself opens your heart to infinite possibilities and gets yourself accustomed to whatever emerges. Make a daily habit of self-communion and tell yourself that you are fearless and ready to survive in any situation; you will be able to come out of your comfort zone very easily. In this world there is nothing like Midas touch, things never fall so easily as it seems when we look at others, one has to invest a lot to gain something. So the first step that you take to come out of your comfort zone is to feel fearless. If you walk fearlessly, accept new challenges wholeheartedly; your chances of being rewarded will be higher so speak to yourself, “I am Fearless.”

 

Identify Your Instincts and Impulsive Acts

When we become subservient to our changing emotional states, we quickly catch ourselves starting to feel insecure and anxious. We often react impulsively and fail to follow our instincts. If you receive any negative feedback and feel offended and develop a strong desire to react to it; just wait for a moment, take a step back and think this situation in a different way. You are being given one more opportunity to unleash your potential and prove yourself. When you start listening to your instincts and identify your impulsive behaviour, you get yourself ready for any storm or turbulence which ultimately takes you to a point where no concept of comfort zone exists. You start flowing with everything you have in hand and appreciate your surroundings and your life as it unfolds. 

Take Pride in Your Accomplishments

Thinking about your glorious achievements always fills you with a sense of completeness in yourself. Keep reminding yourself about your self-worth and accomplishments so that you can display grace and magnanimity in any situation and this attitude will propel you to break the boundaries of your comfort zone without much hesitance and aversion. Sometimes thinking and planning of going out of your comfort zone threatens your survival and sounds so formidable that you daren’t to deal with the decision-making. At that moment if you recall everything that you had achieved in your past; you will find that these challenges are so petty and trivial; it gives you a momentum to change the list of your growth goals and you define yourself in an exuberant way.

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Practice Exploring at Smaller Levels also

If you find anything uncomfortable, try to do it until you become PRO at it. It can be taking a different route to your workplace, talking to new clients, public speaking, smaller changes in daily routine, adapting new fitness regime, exploring new restaurants and new cuisines; just keep experimenting with all the different approaches so as to allow your mind and body to accommodate in different situations. It sounds little quirky but it really works!

The moment we find ourselves in the cocoon of our comfort zone, we begin to underestimate our innate ability to adapt and get familiar with new and strange things. Staying long with your comfort zone make you socially and professionally inept and you end up yourself in an impasse where nothing brings joy and satisfaction to you. It’s time to identify your strengths and leverage them to conquer your comfort zone. Let’s never forget, we learn and grow the most when we are in discomfort. The only thing we need to learn is how to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.

Only The Valiant Can Nurture The Virtue of Forgiveness

 Forgiveness Is An Attribute Of The Brave

“Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.”

World War II, Holocaust, Nazism, The Final Solution, Concentration Camps; the terms still haunt the mankind and narrate the brutal killings and atrocities on innocents. Even after years of liberation, the life in concentration camps kept reminding the Holocaust survivors the horrendous sufferings they had undergone in the concentration camps and the days when they prayed for the end of their life to escape the torture and grueling human experiments on their bodies. Amidst all such horrific memories of the Holocaust survivors, today I have brought a story of forgiveness, a story of resilience, a story of releasing the burden of hatred and angst for those who deserve no mercy but because the victims deserve True Happiness and peace for themselves.

The story begins with the ordeal of a small girl, Eva Mozes Kor, born in 1934 in Transylvania, Romania who survived Dr. Joseph Mengele’s human experiments on twins. She was only 10 when she arrived at Auschwitz with her parents, two older sisters and her twin, Miriam. Her parents and other sisters were directly taken to the gas chambers while she along with her twin, Miriam were selected for the twin experiments, conducted by Dr. Joseph Mengele, known as the Angel of Death. Most of the twins died during the medical experiments; Eva and her sister, Miriam spent nine months in the camp, being subject to experimentation on their bodies. She was given injections with some unknown drugs that caused high fever and swollen arms and legs. When she was taken to Dr. Mengele, Eva heard him saying that she would die in just two weeks. She spent next two weeks in the hospital barrack, crawling across the floor to reach for water as she wasn’t able to walk and kept reminding herself that she must survive; the reason was apparent, if she died, her sister would be given a lethal injection by the doctor to conduct a twin autopsy. After two weeks, it was her intense desire that won the battle; her fever broke and she met her sister. But they never talked about the experiments with each other.

On January 27, 1945, the Red Army liberated the camp and Eva and Miriam along with 180 children, most of whom were twins, were sent to various shelter homes. Fortunately, Eva found her mother’s friend Rosalita whose twins were killed by Mengele. She took the responsibility and helped them return back to Romania.

After the war, Eva tried to forget all about the horrific experiences at the camp and in 1950 she immigrated to Israel. She served in the Israeli Army for eight years. She and her sister suffered varied harrowing ailments as they were used as guinea pigs for the experiments at the Auschwitz. Miriam’s kidneys stopped growing; they remained the same as of a 10 year old and Eva donated one of her kidneys to her sister. In 1978, when a miniseries by NBC, The Holocaust was aired, she became curious to know about all the Mengele twins who were liberated from the Auschwitz concentration camp and how the deadly experiments affected their lives. She started locating other survivors of the camp and in the year 1984, she founded CANDLES, Children of Auschwitz Nazi Deadly Lab Experiments Survivors.

 50 years after the liberation of Auschwitz, in the year 1995, Eva decided to forgive the Nazis and she returned to the place where she had witnessed many children tragically murdered. Dr. Hans Munch, a Nazi doctor who was stationed outside the gas chamber at the camp was also standing with her, to read the witness statement as the testimony of Holocaust period. At the same time, Eva declared her forgiveness and changed her status from being a victim of the Holocaust. She even forgave Dr. Mengele to release herself from the feelings of hatred and to remove the burden of suffering and the traumatic period. It wasn’t easy for her but she couldn’t live any longer with those nightmares; now she wanted peace and tranquility for herself.

 

When the holocaust survivor forgave the Nazi soldiers, she received controversies and protests from all over but she expedited that forgiving doesn’t imply denial of justice; neither means that crimes and evil deeds should be forgotten. Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting as in many cases, it’s impossible to forget the events that affect our lives deeply but the truth is: forgiveness is nothing to be done with the perpetrator, rather it can be defined as an ardent need of the victim so as to release themselves from the pain inflicted upon them.

 There is No Point in Raking Up the Past

Do you also feel, forgiving is one of the most difficult acts that you do especially to those who have hurt you, pained you and berated you? Yes, everyone feels the same; now let’s look at the other side of the coin. Do you really believe that the one who has hurt you, remembers about his wrong behavior? Of course not, so ultimately who is suffering? Isn’t that YOU, because you are not able to forget and you choose to carry the burden of the grudges and anger for the person who is responsible to ruin the precious time of your life. You have lost that moment of your life and now recalling and cursing again and again about the same, you are destroying the present moment also. The moment you forgive the person, you feel relieved from all those feelings which were getting you deprived from your peace of mind and tranquility. Learn to forgive, because forgiveness doesn’t bring any good to others; it brings contentment and bliss to our self. So stop raking up the past and nurture the virtue of forgiveness absolutely for yourself.

 

“Forgiveness is a promise, not a feeling. When you forgive people, you are making a promise to yourself to heal yourself and to empower yourself with peace and tranquility.”

Does Forgiving Make You Gullible?

Many of us believe that one’s forgiveness may be implied as one’s cowardice and undue endurance, but forgiveness is a virtue of the valiant and not the cup of the tea of cowards. Forgiveness helps you to cultivate the ability of sequestering oneself far from all the brunt of past and the experiences of bitterness and humiliation; caused deliberately to you. There will be many to goad you into an act of retaliation or revenge upon that person but if you overcome the tendency of harboring contempt and bitterness you succeed in uplifting your mind, body and soul. Only the valiant can nurture the virtue of forgiveness. 

Forgiveness helps you in healing from pain and the agonizing moments; forgiveness is not only self-liberation but self-empowerment also.

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Having a mulish attitude of retaliation will impel you to deeply entrenched feelings of contempt, displeasure and vindictiveness. You will probably end up in the unenviable throes of profound desolation and will never be able to pull yourself through this situation. So forgive for yourself; not for others. It will be painful for you if you don’t help yourself to come out of an unpleasant state of mind. Let your mind and soul be at peace by nurturing the virtue of forgiveness. Believe me, the virtue of forgiveness is the summum bonum of human life and human character; let’s keep it alive, let’s keep it flourishing and bring peace to our eternal Self.